About a month ago I made a decision not to purchase any new jeans this season. I looked in my wardrobe and saw five pairs of jeans and figured that would be more than enough. A few days later the cooler weather set in so I naturally gravitated to the jeans (after failing to convince myself that gym tights would be appropriate for the occasion).
The next step was trying them on. In the past I used to think of this ritual as a test to see if I had put on weight. I would stress out about it and put it off until I really had to. This year a couple of pairs didn’t fit comfortably at all. My poor stomach was in knots as I struggled with the button and I resembled Frankenstein as I stiffly walked around the house.
Jean shopping is something I know a lot of people really dread. I definitely used to be one of those people. I hated the look of my legs, the way my tummy sat over the waist band and the way by bum seemed to stick out. I would stand there in the dressing room with mirrors surrounding me and my demons tormenting me wherever I looked. I would go in with six pairs and walk out with one that I still hated but purchased for the sake of having a pair of jeans for the winter. I refused to buy the size I needed because of the number on the tag and told myself that it would motivate me to get my old body (which I hated the year before) back. I would go home absolutely miserable and concoct some kind of sick plan that would minimise the size of my legs and waist so I would feel semi comfortable in them.
Just remember life is more than fitting in your jeans. It’s love and understanding positivity – Ed Sheeran
I have this pair of jeans that I never threw out. They are light blue, high waisted, skinny jeans. I purchased them in 2015 when I had lost a lot of weight and all my other pairs were falling off me. I look at those jeans now and wonder “how on earth did I get into those?” For one the waist band has no elasticity at all so my waist must have actually been that tiny; then there were the leg holes that I would be lucky to fit my calves in these days. Now you might be wondering why I kept them. I kept them as a reminder of what my life was then and that I never wish to fit into those jeans again. They don’t remind me of good times. They remind me of days where I would hardly eat and over exercise to fit into them.
Last week I purchased a pair of jeans but not in the traditional way. I couldn’t be bothered to go to the shops and look through racks of jeans. I just wanted to see a pair that I liked and buy them. I went online and fell in LOVE with this pair of black ripped jeans. I clicked the size I thought I would actually be and then patiently waited for them to arrive (the only down side of online shopping).
I was so excited when I got them out and they looked exactly how I pictured. I put them on and just smiled. They fit so perfectly. Obviously there was always going to be a bit of a squeeze to do the button, but I braved it. I ran to the mirror to see. I loved the way my legs and butt looked, I loved the love on my tummy that sat slightly above the button, I LOVE my body.
Loving my body has been the most liberating thing for me. I accept it if clothes don’t fit, if my size goes up or down or if some styles just aren’t for me. It has taken time and a lot of personal development to reach this point. I want to share three tips with you that were real game changers for me this jean season that I think might help you if you’re dreading trying them on or purchasing a new pair.
Visualisation – My mum is always telling me about this. You need to picture what it would be like to be in the jeans. How do you want to feel? How do you want them to look? What would you like to wear them with? When I saw the pair I purchased I literally pictured myself as a Bruno Mars back up dancer rocking my ripped jeans with a denim jacket and absolutely OWNING it.
Be realistic – It is not about the number on the tag. No one can see it. It is tucked in. that is your information and is the business of no one else. Comfort is key. How are you going to feel absolutely fabulous in your jeans if you can’t breathe?
Confidence – I am a person that lives in my active wear and trackies but acknowledge that sometimes it is not completely appropriate. For me there is something quite empowering about wearing jeans. I have put in effort to fix myself up so I am going to put on a smile and wear my clothes with love and confidence. My body is beautiful; I want to dress her up and take her out with pride and a big smile on my face. It’s the least I can do for the very thing that carries me around every day. If you wear something with confidence, you will stand taller, sit up straighter and want to show off your wonderful body!
Our bodies are always changing. They change for a number of different reasons. One thing I have learnt is that it doesn’t change to sabotage me. It doesn’t change because it hates me. It isn’t a bad thing that it changes. Give yourself grace if your size has changed. It is only a number, please don't let it dictate your happiness. Remember, you are worthy of feeling amazing!
I grew out of my jeans and instead of waging war on myself I bought new jeans because it’s okay that my body is changing – Megan Jayne Crabbe