Will the guilt ever completely go?

April 24, 2019

I absolutely loved my Easter weekend. I shared it with my beautiful family and Bruno’s beautiful family. We chatted, we ate, we laughed, we ate, we played with rabbits and we laughed some more. I felt very empowered looking at my Instagram over the weekend too. Last year my feed was inundated with guilt pictures from health and fitness personalities telling me how many burpees I had to do to burn off my chocolate eggs. This year it was filled with smiles, positive affirmations, family photos and pure joy. My decision to unfollow the negative influencers was definitely a wise one.

 

Unfortunately, I can’t say that I could enjoy the weekend as freely as I would have liked to. Food is the one thing in my life that I pretty much have complete control over. I know that when things are somewhat out of control in my life that I will start looking at things in my life that I can control.

 

I am blessed that I have the tools now to be able to deal with the negative feelings when they do arise. I don’t punish myself with intense gym sessions. I don’t stop eating the following day to save on the calories. Those days are definitely behind me. What I do wish for and am working towards is to stop overthinking what I put on my plate at big family dinners. I so wish that I could just fill it with anything I want and not be so selective.

 

I know that I am “balanced” in many aspects of my life but I think my idea of balance is somewhat skewed from the norm. For me having dessert on the day of an event is enough. I will enjoy it on the night and then won’t go back for more the following day. It has been that way for nearly 10 years now and I think it will take time to reverse my psychology. I know that having more chocolate the following day or another piece of cake for afternoon tea the next day isn’t going to change anything. It really comes down to why do I care?

 

Looking at photos from three years ago at Easter and how tiny and sad I was really puts things into perspective. I have come so far and this is just another milestone I need to overcome. To think of the progress I have already made is incredible. I feel so blessed to have been able to navigate my way out of this and really be able to take life by both hands.

 

Easter 2016

 

To be honest I know it isn’t the food that is the issue, it is the thoughts that are going on in my head.

 

My more rational brain knows that overindulging doesn’t make me a bad person. That a bloated stomach doesn’t make me any less fit. That eating more cake won’t take away my credibility as a nutrition student. I have power over those negative thoughts. They cannot or will not dictate my decisions unless I give them the power to do so.

 

When we are children we don’t overthink everything we do. We play if we want to play, we run if we want to run, we eat if we want to eat and we smile just because we can! How much more beautiful would life be if I took that approach more often?

 

There is nothing holding me back from doing that, just my mind. I am not letting it get me this time. I am going to embrace the situation, take it as a learning experience and move on without fear of judgement.

 

I am not writing this post for sympathy or pity. I am writing this because I know that I am not alone with these thoughts. I know that by hearing others go through similar situations that I feel comforted and not alone. I hope that my honesty and openness is helpful.

 

All things will come with a little time when you believe. – Myra

 

Easter weekend 2019 - Walking because it makes me happy not because I "ate too much." 

 

 

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