I have been questioning a lot of things in my life lately and, honestly, I am feeling a bit lost on my journey. I can say one thing for certain, the people who you choose to surround yourself with is everything. The support I have had from loved ones in the last week has been absolutely incredible. I honestly can’t imagine where I would be without them.
In life we don’t always get to choose the people we cross paths with. I don’t believe that the people we meet is just by chance or coincidence. There is always a reason. I think that each person has a unique energy and that within just a few moments it can be easy to tell whether you want that energy in your life. Let’s take a simple scenario – It is your first day at uni and you walk into the class and have to pick your seat. Instantly it is fairly clear the people you want to associate with and those who you think you may clash with. It is almost an innate ability that we all have.
There are some people that we meet to learn lessons from. They model a type of behaviour that we like or don’t like. We take the good and the bad from the relationship. I was actually speaking to a very inspirational person today who made me realise that often times we actually learn more from those who we don’t like than those we do. We see characteristics and traits in them that are undesirable. We feel that we are being treated badly and know that we would never impose that on another person. This works to shape the type of people we want to be.
This concept can be broken down into several categories so I will only explore a couple here. First we can talk about role-modelling in a workplace. You may currently have a boss or a manager who you can’t stand. For example - they might undermine you, they could be manipulative, they could be careless, they may overlook important issues and they may not listen to what you have to say. That boss or manager is in that role for a reason. They have worked to get there so it is important that this is not undervalued. However, as an employee you might think twice before employing those same techniques in your own workplace one day.
Another type of person that may come into our lives may come in the form of a friendship. You may find yourself in a situation with a group of friends that is far from desirable. You may feel that you’re not valued, not being trusted, are being left out or that your voice isn’t being heard. It is in those times that we can actually stop and consider what it really means to be a friend and what being a good friend looks like for you. We can learn from the characteristics that we don’t like in others and perhaps think differently before befriending another person who is just like them.
Romantic relationships are another area where this issue also tends to arise. I can safely say that I don’t regret any of my past relationships. Sure I can look back and shake my head and wonder “dear Lord why did I do that?” but ultimately there was so much learning to be done there. I learnt so many things about myself and it truly gave me an understanding of my worth and the way I wanted to be treated.
I have been talking about the energy and characteristics possessed by others. The next (and more important step I believe) is to look within ourselves. The quote that actually sparked the inspiration for this post was:
“People will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
It prompted me to look within myself and actually reflect upon the way I treat others and the way that they feel after they see me. I would love it if I could be a constant aura of positivity, however, lately I definitely don’t think I have left that impression. I feel that my strong emotions towards certain situations have made me leave a less positive feeling when people walk away from a conversation with me. I know that I don’t intend to do it but I am definitely aware of it. It is something that is within my control. I don’t have to let situations affect the way I treat others. Other people shouldn’t have to be left feeling flat because of me.
My next step is working out what it is in my life that I can change so that I exert a more positive vibe. First things first my attitude towards certain things needs to change. I am entitled to feel disappointed by others but I can’t let that dictate my other relationships. I can also do more of what I love. That means getting creative in the kitchen, taking myself for a long walk and listening to a podcast. I can spend more time with the people I value and whom I know value me. I can write down some goals and really do my best to achieve them. I can write a list of all the things I am grateful for and celebrate every single one of them. All of these things are attainable and will really make a difference in my life and in the lives of those around me.
I am not going to let someone take away my spark and the qualities that I have always been proud of in myself. I am far from perfect but I am always striving to do my best for others and for myself. Denying the way I have been feeling for months hasn’t done me any favours. It has only amplified my negative emotions in my head. It is time now to be assertive and take back control. I want to be bight and bubbly more than I am stressed . I want to be silly more than I am serious. I want to laugh more than I rant.
I want people to leave conversations with me feeling empowered, inspired and happy. I want to spread positivity and joy to the people I meet. I want to brighten someone’s day if they are feeling low and pick someone up if they have fallen down. It has been so helpful to have others pick me up lately but it is time for me to brush the dirt off my knees and move on so that I can use what I have learnt to help others.